My neighbor has come out of hiding.
I know summer has arrived, because my neighbor down the road has been spotted after the long winter and the cold, dreary spring. It’s almost like seeing Santa or the Easter Bunny. We see him and go, “Oh, look look look! There he is!”
Because we know it’s summer when my elderly, overweight neighbor is spotted in his (oh-so-tight) leopard print speedo and hiking boots, stomping around on the Astroturf in his front yard.
Yes, you read that right. Leopard print. Speedo. Hiking boots. Beer belly. So, so awesome.
I wish I had the guts to wear something like that. One day, when I’m old and saggier, I’m going to get myself a leopard print bikini and wear it in my front yard for no reason. I swear I will.
Until then, I will continue to place as many layers between my butt and the world as humanly possible. Because no one needs to see that.
But a leopard print speedo? Rock on, my good man. Rock. On.