I have “I fought the law, and the law won,” running through my head, and it seems appropriate, given the absolutely insane thing I did today (and was denied), even though I didn’t try to fight the law… I fought the system, and the system won. But the song loses something when I’m being literal, so we’ll stick with “I Fought the Law.”
I can’t talk about what happened, or the thing I did.
I can’t talk about the system that’s failing. I can’t talk about the children who have suffered, and will continue to suffer, for it (in case you’re worried, the children in question are not mine. Mine are fine. I’m talking about someone else’s). I can’t talk about my feelings about the whole thing, because honestly, the situation is just too fucked up.
I don’t use that word lightly, by the way, but it’s true.
I don’t labor under the delusion I can save every kid. I just thought I could save this one.
A part of me wants to cry. A part of me is secretly a little relieved (I guess my relief isn’t so much of a secret anymore, though, is it?), because I tried. It was an insane idea, and I failed, but I tried. I could argue that that’s enough. It’s not, but I could argue it, and maybe even believe it a little.
But what do I expect? I tried to fight the system. And the system won.
I’ll probably try again tomorrow.
I’ll lose again tomorrow.
What can I say? I’m a slow learner.