Every year, at about this time of year, people make their resolutions, their ideas for how they will improve their lives. Resolutions often take this form:
1. I resolve to get in shape.
2. I will lose 50 pounds in six months
3. I will run a 10K.
4. I will eat healthier.
These are admirable goals, and I will admit that I’ve made these same resolutions before. But how many of us will actually meet these goals? Not too many, that’s for sure (I didn’t, when I made them. I have lost the 50 pounds, but that’s because my doctors jacked up my stomach when they thought they were fixing it. And it sucks. It really, really sucks)
But I digress.
So this year, I resolve to make completely unattainable resolutions. Why, you might ask. Well, because at least I’m going into it knowing these goals are ridiculous. My goal of losing 50 pounds was a ridiculous goal when I made it, only I didn’t have the self-awareness to know that.
This year, I’m not going into it blind. This year, I know.
In that spirit, here are my unattainable resolutions.
1. I resolve to make out with Nathan Fillion. Why? Because he’s Nathan Fillion, yo. But I want him wearing his Captain Mal outfit from Firefly. Don’t worry, husband will understand. I’m pretty certain he wants to make out with him, too.
2. I will wear a Lady Gaga-esque outfit and sing karaoke. That’s right. I will take my chubby, suburban mom body and shove it into a black leather… something, do up the crazy hair and put on crazy, Dr. Frank N. Furter make-up, and go out singing (and not in a mobster-in-witness-protection kind of way, either).
3. In that spirit, I’m going to need some clear heels. I resolve to wear them and not fall down. (Yeah, right. That’s why these are unattainable. I’ve been known to trip over a four-inch long stick on the play ground. I’m THAT graceful).
4. I resolve to not be horrifically embarrassed by either the outfit or the stripper shoes. (That’s so ridiculous I just cracked myself up)
So there you have it. Five resolutions that I have no intention of keeping. Well, four I have no intention of keeping, and one I’ve already broken.
Have a great day, y’all!
Leave a comment with your outrageous resolution…