I’ve decided to add my culinary exploits to the blog, because, even though I can barely eat food, I do really enjoy it (long story, poor me, you don’t want to hear it).
So my latest foray into food started today with candy making.
I attempted peppermint bark (bless my little heart. So precious!) (This is teacher code for OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! WHAT THE HELL!)
My peppermint bark does not, let me reiterate, DOES NOT look like other people’s. Let’s just say, the moment I took at look at it, I knew that shizzle was wrong.
This is why I don’t bake. I am not a baker by nature, and, for some reason, even though I can make fudge, today I couldn’t even melt chocolate.
What I created today was something like a cross between peppermint bark and toffee, and has the consistency of super dense fudge on top (the toffee part) and a chocolate bar on the bottom. Topped with peppermint. Yeah, I know.
Luckily, the kids don’t know any better, so they thought it was awesome.
Here’s a picture of my latest culinary adventure:
It looks… okay. Wrong, but okay.
It doesn’t taste like peppermint bark, though. That much is for certain. Monk’s assessment, “Huh. It actually tastes pretty good, Mom. All things considered.”
Oh, my firstborn child, aren’t you just precious? (sic)
So, while I had this brilliant idea this afternoon I would post my recipe, I’ve decided against that. No one needs to recreate this. Yes, I know I burned the white chocolate, but the darn stuff wouldn’t melt. I know I burned the dark chocolate, because, well, I also managed to scorch my pan. Though how I did this with the heat on low is seriously beyond me. In my defense, the recipe didn’t call for a double boiler.
As I stood in the kitchen, burning chocolate and muttering angrily under my breath, Chewey says, “Hey, Mom, what are you making?”
And husband says, “Memories. She’s making memories.”
And Chewey says, “Memories? What’s memories? It smells like burning marshmallows.”
They both got an eyeful of bless his heart.